Got “haters” in your life? Read This!
A couple weeks ago I spend four days in San Diego (my fav place in the states) where I attended a conference called, Influence, by Brendon Burchard. It was one of those events that you take notes like a mad man as some of the top thought leaders from around the world share their biggest wisdom nuggets. Let’s just say it relit this girl’s fire again, not that it was out – but the stress of pregnancy, work, moving, and all of life was just dimming me a bit… you know what I mean?
So sit down, grab yourself a coffee and dive into this blog post where we chat about our fav people – the unsupporters, the “haters”, the not so friendly Fonda’s in our lives.
One of the speakers chatted about the “haters” in our life and I love how he put them in the category of confused supports. Which makes total sense right? I mean common – these “haters” are usually the ones watching every little thing we do, right?
I’m sure you’ve got them in your life too – they might be your random followers on social media, your friends (even your best friends) and your family.
Whoever your main confused supporters are I want you to know three main things that I’ve learnt through my few years as a coach, instagrammer, and now mama to be – cause all of these three things transformed people I knew into “confused supporters”.
#1 – if people are not able to support you – that’s not your problem.
It’s only your problem when you allow them to remain in your life with power. I’m going to explain, just wait.
So, we all know I’m a little cut throat in the way that I will very easily block and delete people from my life, whether it’s a follower on social or my own blood family. In my world (that consists of decades of self work) I am at the point where if you are not showing up for me you do not belong in my life. Bottom line. But I get that you can’t just say “goodbye Felicia” to your mom, cause maybe you actually really love your mom and you just wish she’d support you.
So when I say that it’s your problem it means that it’s up to you to allow them to have that power in your life. Whether it’s your mom, friend, or stranger YOU, and only YOU, are responsible for allowing their perception, comments, and confusion to effect you. People can share their opinion but it doesn’t you have to own it as your truth. And, most of all you can ask them politely to just not speak about whatever it is that’s fuelling the hate.
“Linda, I love you but I am so freakin’ passionate about this and if you aren’t on board with me, that’s cool but let’s not chat about it anymore then, k?”
“Linda listen… those comments they hurt. Let’s just change the subject.”
Regardless of how you approach the Linda in your life – know that you give her power every time you let her sway your opinion, make you doubt your passion or worth, and when you fight back. We don’t need to fight back. We actually don’t have to do anything. Every single person has the RIGHT to their opinion, but we also have the RIGHT to let them speak to us in a certain way.
Remove yourself from the situation, speak your truth if you are up for it and find your tribe that does support you – cause they are out there girl!
#2 – this means you are usually doing something pretty badass!
Let’s be real, statistics and psychology have proven that those who hate are usually … jealous! Which means you are doing something right. Something that deep down they wish they could do.
No, your aunt Linda might not actually want to be an Instagram food model or whatever it is your are doing, but she might really wish that she lived out her own passions. And that resentment that she holds against herself is being portrayed through her confused support on your dreams.
Here’s a common example, when someone else shits on your idea to change your life. You are going to the gym, eating all the micronutrients and… making progress! Yet, for some wild reason they don’t support you?! What gives? They are jealous! Most of the time the people who talk negatively about others excelling is because deep down – they wish they could do the same. But because they aren’t making change, they are resent the fact that you are up levelling.
Keep doing you! Promise?
#3 – remember you don’t NEED anyone
The biggest misconception is that we NEED support, we NEED others to be there 100% of the time cheering us on. Sure, cheer is great, but that cheer shouldn’t be the driving force for you living out your dreams, making progress or doing whatever it is you are doing.
I used to think I NEEDED love, support, people in my corner. I was wrong. I just really needed to become more independent, more grounded in my “why” and step more into ME. Those other people’s cheers can’t be your propelling force. One day when they aren’t there to clap for you, are you going to quit? Are you just going to walk away from your goals? Heck no. So learn to clap for yourself. Loud and clear!
I realized though once I let this go, I was liberated to the highest degree. I no longer needed others to validate my mission, my goals, my whatever the f*ck I was doing that they didn’t like.
Oh, but I should mention that when you make space for new people, the right people, they will come. It might take time, but I guarantee they will.
So many people have come into the Progress Project feeling alone in their journey, and let’s face it – changing your life can feel super freakin’ lonely – but then, they realize there are hundreds of others around the world with the same feeling.
Sometimes we just need to find our tribe. To put ourselves out there. And to be super grounded in what we are doing. If you are passionate about it – you need to make me and yourself a promise that you will not let some chirps, crickets and hate slow you down. Deal?
I love you! I’m here for you!
If you ever need to find that community we are here for you – and if you don’t want to join the coaching community just yet – then join FemFit, it’s my completely FREE community with thousands of women wanting to improve their life. I’ll drop both links below for you.
Progress Project: https://courses.jessnadine.com/courses/the-progress-project
See you soon,
Jess…and the mini hot tamale!